Severing the Bond

“Love only breaks up to start over again
You’ll get the babies
But you won’t have your man
While he is busy loving every woman that he can…”

                       ~Candi Staton: From Young Hearts Run Free~

Too many times I have heard or seen single women with children arguing and/or fighting over the father of their child with other females.  In fact, I have been the victim of such nuisance behavior. And in the end, the guy usually leaves and seeks out another female partner.

Countless women (not all) engages in this type of behavior. Why? I can only theorize that it is based on the bond from having a child with said man. Some women might think that since they have a child together, he’s hers. Sure the two will always share a bond because they do have a child together; however, that doesn’t make the man hers.

All relationships of this type can not and should not be classified into this category. When theirs a healthy relationship between two partners, insecurities are at minimum. However, if there is a lacking of trust and communication in the relationship, other factors festers into the relationship. These other factors consist or insecurities (Jealousy) and a lack of trust and/or communication between the two partners. Moreover, if one partner is continue to use accusatory remarks to the other partner; it could lead to increased arguments or violence.

If there are signs of volatile behavior in the relationship, perhaps one should sever the bond. By severing the bond,  I mean let go of what is causing one to be unhappy. Is it worth your life or the life of your child, to undergo such negative behavior?  Is it worth engaging in fighting other females (or perhaps males), just for the sake that ‘he’s my baby’s daddy.’ Just because a man father’s a child, doesn’t mean he will commit to a female any quicker. If he’s being abusive to you in front of the child, then one needs to think seriously about severing the bond with the father.

This is just a little tidbit that I will be including in my upcoming book about relationships.

Cheers,

Mildred.

 

Taking Responsibility…

How many times have we read or seen people that do horrid things and fail to take responsibility for their own actions. In addition, these same said individuals are more likely to think of themselves as the victim. Less and less today, we see this type of inappropriate behavior in people’s actions.

I am sadden by the incident that happened in Las Vegas where this deranged person open fire on innocent individuals, killing some and injuring others. After reading a post in regards to why he did it, this also saddened me. I am under the assumption from my reading that he did this atrocity because of Islam.

If someone is that afraid or upset over Islam, why doesn’t the person go confront the people who they are upset with, instead of injuring and killing innocent individuals.  I am not by any means condoling violence of any kind, but two wrongs don’t make a right. Society seems to be in fear of terrorism, but by this recent tragedy, it is difficult to determine who is the terrorist and whose not. It appears that one is becoming what one is afraid of.

So let’s talk about taking responsibility; and this is both seen in acts of terrorism and non-acts of terrorism-they take their own lives. In my opinion, that is a cowardly move, because the culprit cannot accept their consequences of their own inappropriate behavior. There’s no justice for victims that are left behind suffering the loss of their loved ones.

Before one decides to selfishly commit atrocities on innocent victims, try to remember to take responsibility for your own actions….

Until later,

Mildred

Why Going Back Doesn’t Work

I have learned a valuable lesson in the field of romance and it is that returning to the same romance just doesn’t work. Why, you might ask? First, there’s a reason why the romance was dissolved; and if things didn’t get worked out then, there’s just really no possible way to fix it. While there might be some success in going back to a previous relationship, I am sure there are some non-successful attempts as well.

I dated this man for several years and I caught him in cheating on me, well let’s say  I didn’t catch him directly in the act but I rode up on him in the process. He tried to apologize and everything; and I tried to give it another chance. However, the hurt was too deep for any type of reconciliation between us. An important statement that I have observed from watching others who have gone back to a previous relationships is, “he or she has changed.”

Some  will tell you that they have changed, when in fact, they haven’t. There shouldn’t be an expectation to believe that they have change their ways just to suit our needs or perspective on how we think a relationship should go. What I mean here is that, a person is not going to change unless they want to. Although, a counterargument could be held that some do actually change. My rebuff to that premise is that some might change for a moment, but then some might revert back to their same antics and behaviors.

Secondly, going back doesn’t work because the issue or problem is still there. As mentioned above, if the issue or problem wasn’t fix during the relationship, it’s going to be more difficult to repair when going back. If it is repairable, then it’s going to take both partners trying to repair the relationship. This takes time and effort.

Let’s examine the example that I have provided. Every time he would make me mad, I would always throw up his infidelity and how much I was effected by his actions. Of course this would evoke an argument and the cycle spins out of control and repeats itself.  Finally, I told myself, the relationship was severely damaged and beyond repair; leaving me to move on.

Third, another factor that one has to examine before deciding to reunite with a previous partner is relationship investment. Relationship investment is what you have invested in the relationship: time, financial investment, children, and so forth. I am not actually speaking to married couples because that’s a whole other spectrum to be considered, such as legal concerns. However, being single in a relationship is an investment much like marriage. Investment of time is a serious consideration in a relationship and one should asked themselves some serious questions before deciding to go back such as: the length of the relationship, is it a good idea to just leave, or has the time I spent with this person is worth fighting for. If the relationship is bogged down with abuse or infidelity; there shouldn’t even be a second thought as what one should do (even though it is easier said than done). Is there children born from the relationship? There’s a lot to consider there. And does one have any financial ties to the relationship as well?

There’s a lot to consider if going back outweighs not going back; and it’s really up to each individual to decide what’s best for them. But if going back rests upon him or her changing, that is one of the biggest reason why going back doesn’t work.

Cheers,

Mildred

Surviving Irma

I have never been directly involved in a hurricane’s path before; however, this was my first time-and let me tell you it was a bit scary. I have always showed empathy and sympathy for others being in a direct path of a hurricane. I can only now imagine what the survivors of hurricane Harvey might have felt.

It is a scary and fearful feeling of the unknown. It was suggested by the management team of my apartment complex to seek shelter since we were living in a high alert area; most likely due to two man-made lakes surrounding the complex. I was a little skeptical about going to a shelter because of the dynamics involved in staying in a shelter. I had given it much thought and was seriously considering going to one. However, I learned that most of the shelters were already at capacity; and there was little gas to travel to one that was far out. So, I waited in my apartment; and figured I would be just as safe-due to living on the second floor.

The winds were thrashing everywhere along with the rain, but it was manageable. I was worried about the lake surging and creating flooding-but it did not occur. I survived, but I was in constant fear that I might wake up the next morning with water-filled lungs (of course, most likely I would have died with water-filled lungs).

Several counties in Florida wasn’t that lucky: Duval, Miami, Naples, Polk County, and other counties unknown. Even parts of Georgia flooded. I was blessed, along with other residents in Manatee and Sarasota counties to not have experienced such an atrocity and I thank God for that.

I hope my fellow citizens who experienced such atrocities have found resolution and safety. I am thankful to God in knowing that faith can move a mountain.

Cheers,

Mildred

Bipolar Disorder vs. Borderline Personality Disorder

Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder always seems to emit confusion to the some individuals. Though, these disorders have some similarities, there are some differences between the two. Bipolar disorder is part of depression, a mood disorder; while borderline personality disorder, is what it says-a personality disorder.

Bipolar is a mood disorder characterized by mild to severe forms of depression, accompanied by mild or severe experiences of mania (additional information). Bipolar 1 is the most crucial one between bipolar II. Bipolar 1 has manic episodes, whereas, bipolar II does not.

Bipolar I is equally common in both genders, while bipolar II is more common in women versus men, according to the DSM V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).

Borderline Personality is a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity starting by early adulthood and is present in various contents:

1. avoidance of real or imagined abandonment.
2. unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization (she’s or he’s so great) and devaluation (I hate him or her, she’s no good).
3. unstable self-image or sense of self
4. impulsiveness: spending life’s savings on reckless ventures, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and so forth
5. recurrent suicidal behavior or self-mutilating behavior
6. affective (mood) instability caused by a marked reactivity of mood (irritability or anxiety)
7. chronic feelings of emptiness
8. inappropriate intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (frequent manifestation of temper, constant anger, or fights)
9. stress-related paranoid ideation (hyperviligance about others out to get them).
10. involves a splitting style of thinking (only see things in black or white-no gray area)

If you have or know anyone with any of these symptoms, please seek professional assistance.

Cheers,

Mildred

Recognizable Signs of Relational Emotional Abuse

When an individual first start dating their newly found partner, they might not see the starting signs of relational emotional abuse. This phase can be liken to the honeymoon phase or the, I-have-blinders-on phase.   I am going to list a few signs of relational emotional abuse; as I probably have posted on this before.

Relational emotional abuse can be defined as: any time an individual is in an intimate relationship with another individual; and engages in emotional scare tactics or the use of derogatory remarks to their intimate partner.

Some signs to look out for:

1. Derogatory name calling: This mean calling you out of your given name. If they call you such horrid names, then they aren’t respecting you as a person or an intimate partner.
2. Restricting Access to Social Media: This is a characteristic of controlling the partner’s independence by coercing them to delete all of their social media accounts such as: Facebook, Twitter, Snap Chat, and so forth. Controlling partners doesn’t want their partner to focus on anything or anyone besides themselves.
3. Limiting Access to Family: This one of the biggest problems in relational emotional abuse, when the partner restricts the other partner from visiting relatives or moves them away from their relatives.
4. Early Signs of Emotional Abuse: Frequently questioning the whereabouts of the partner. Some might think that it’s cute, cause it shows that the partner is jealous. Remember, love is never being jealous. Not only do they frequent questioning the whereabouts of the partner, but how long it took to do errands. Other signs are they are suspicious of your best friends; as well as not wanting you to speak to someone of the opposite sex.

If you feel like you are experiencing any of this early on in your new relationship; please seek assistance; as well as reevaluating if this is the right partner for you.

Cheers,

Mildred.

The Life of A Cashier

Being a cashier is a very demanding job; and it can also be very enlightening. I am currently working as a cashier at my local supermarket. I have met some very nice people; as well as the not-so-nice people. I thought, I would write this blog as a humerus part of my job.

The thing about being a cashier is that, you’re not always busy. For instance, I have to stand out in front of the checkout line, awaiting customers to come in my line. If that’s not enough, then I have to level (straighten) the products; or put out new gum and candy merchandise. As a cashier, I also have to be the loss prevention person as well.

Some will try to steal product; and not just small items. I know this one time, someone tried to take a basket full of meat, dog food, and beer. Of course, by the time the grocery and store managers tried to stop the thieves, they were long gone.

If this is not enough, then there’s the express lane for 10 items or less. Somehow, counting to ten does not compute for some customers. Then you have the customers behind that person starting to show signs of anger.  And when they are paying for their items, this too can be hilarious. The chip has been around for a while in the store; and yet, some still ask-if there’s a chip. And don’t let the credit card work, it’s either the machine’s fault or mine.  Not only that, it’s always that one person who has to dig through their pockets or purse for loose change.

But what I find enlightening about my job is that most of the customers are enjoyable and you get to meet some really great people. So if you’re a cashier, just enjoy it as best as you can. And remember, sometimes when things are bad, a customer will come along and make your smile 🙂

 

Supernatural: Dean and Sam Winchester

Dean Winchester is the oldest of the two brothers and acts more like a father-figure to Sam than actually being his brother. Dean is egotistical with a narcissistic personality; at least that is how he was diagnosed in one of the episodes. Dean means well, but sometimes treat his grown brother like he would treat a child. Dean uses an authoritarian approach with Sam; and whatever he says goes, leaving hardly no room for debate from Sam. Dean is sometimes hypocritical in his relationship with Sam; as Dean wants Sam to open up and be honest with him at all times, but fails miserably, when it comes to him opening up and being honest with Sam.

However, that doesn’t mean that Dean doesn’t love his younger brother; and this has been proven many times during the series. Dean would do anything to keep his brother alive and safe; and seems to put his brother before anyone else. In the series it has been said that Dean is co-dependent on Sam; and I can see where this is true. But, I can also see that Dean is overprotected of his brother; and yes, sometimes he is co-dependent on his brother.

Being the older brother, Dean has been relegated to being a father-figure to Sam because of John’s constant disappearing acts (his hunter’s job), leaving Dean to help raise Sam and still being a child himself. So it’s quite naturally, that there would be some psychological scarring along the way.  During the time when their father was alive, Dean tried to be the perfect son to John, obeying all orders John barked out; and in the later years this presented a problem between the two brothers. It’s almost clear to see that John had more affections for Dean than Sam (at least that is how it is portrayed to me; and in some aspects-so did their mother-Mary).

Sam is quite different than Dean. Sam wanted to get away from the harsh family dynamics of being a Winchester and did not want to be a hunter like his father and brother. This presented a problem earlier on in the series; and it almost seemed as though, Dean was a bit selfish concerning this issue. The series showed mostly conflicting attitudes during the first four seasons; and seemed to even out afterwards. I felt these issues should have been resolved earlier on and not dragged on for eternity. Sam is often afraid to express and be honest with Dean because of Dean’s demeanor. I can almost sympathize with Sam because mostly everyone rally behind Dean, leaving  Sam being made to feel left out. This is especially shown when Sam is being pursued by Lucifer.

Sam is not without blemish; and far from it. Sam betrayed his brother for Ruby, a demon. And he really thought that she was by his side until she betrayed him for opening the door for Lucifer. Dean tried to express his concern about this, but was met with resistance from Sam.

Overall, the show presents issues that any family might experience. I didn’t go into too much semantics of the series but just wanted to express my thoughts on the show. Supernatural shows the deep brotherly love these two brothers have for one another and the depths they would go to save each other. Supernatural has it flaws, but overall it’s an interesting series. I haven’t watch season 12 yet, and I am not too keen on season 11. I hope that the people in charge will know when to fold their cards and call it day.

Cheers,

Mildred

Cabbage My Way

Some might not like their cabbage overly done, but here’s a recipe in case you do!

• One head of cabbage (or two-depending on family size)
• add salt and pepper to taste
• garlic pepper to taste
• crushed red pepper
• butter
• bacon
• bacon grease
• water

Cut cabbage into small pieces (or ad lib-however you like it) and wash cabbage. Put cabbage into deep sauce pan and cover with water about halfway (or ad lib, just don’t cover cabbage all the way with water). Add all seasonings, including bacon and bacon grease. Cook until desired consistency, longer if you like all the way done.

Self-Respect

What is the meaning of self-respect? According to Merriam-Webster, self respect is define as:

• a proper respect for oneself as a human being
• regard for one’s own standing or position

In this day and age, there seems to be lack of self-respect that we require of ourselves. From calling other derogatory names and allowing others to call us those derogatory names. I have been guilty of this before learning that it does not equate to self-respect. I’ve decided to share my thoughts on learning how to have self-respect and respect for others.  After all, don’t we all want others to have that unconditional positive regard, respecting us for who we are. One might say that some doesn’t deserve unconditional positive regard, while that may be correct in one’s assessment-who are we to judge others of who they are (though, that might be a debatable subject).

Today, I am here to talk about having self-respect for oneself. Each culture holds their own beliefs, customs, and values. In some cultures it appears that it’s okay  calling each other derogatory names or disrespecting the opposite sex (usually females). But is that what one want for themself? If someone is calling one derogatory names; along with telling them that they are this or that; wouldn’t that person continue to be negative reinforced into thinking that they are that derogatory name?

For example, in some cultures; and seemingly on the rise in other cultures, it’s okay for them to call each other the N word. I stopped allowing others to call me that a long time ago. My belief is that, if one doesn’t want someone outside of their race to call them that name; how can they have double-standards and allowed others in their own race to call them the N word? What happened to other appropriate names that one can call a friend?

Not only that, how can one allow others, especially females, to be called out of their names? Where is the standard of self-respect that one holds for themselves. One has to have self-respect for themselves before anyone else is going to respect you. Respect is not an act of entitlement, it is earned. So many times, I have heard some young individual assert that others should respect them. No, I am sorry, respect doesn’t work that way.

We have to rise above the name calling to one another, we have to rise to having self-respect for ourselves; and hold others accountable for respecting who we are. Just a little food for thought for today.

Cheers,

Mildred.